It's Children's Day here in sunny South Korea. This coming Sunday is the Buddha's Birthday, but I don't think anyone's getting an extra weekday off for the Sunday holiday. Today, I'm doing Not Much of Anything. Tonight, I'll be walking the staircases along the Yangjae Creek, probably just doing 14 staircases like last time (doing the full 33 or so staircases takes me all the way into Gwacheon City, and it's a long walk back to my place from the U-turn point).
Here's something I think about on occasion: what would life have been like had I had kids years ago? Judging by my buddy Mike, my kids would be mostly out of college by now (Mike's two daughters are both graduated and working; his son, the youngest child, is about to go to college). Life would certainly have been a lot noisier, what with all the chaos that comes with having a family. Would I have been a good father? I don't know. (Judging by all my friends who followed the standard path of marriage and family, I'd have been worn out and constantly tired.) There was a time when becoming a father was actually an ambition of mine, but I've since come to realize the depths of my introversion, and the fact that I really don't feel lonely when I'm alone. There's no "empty space" waiting to be filled by the presence of a companion although I do remain open to the possibility of meeting someone and falling in love.
A friend of mine once uttered either a curse or a prophecy: "You'll always be single." That seems to be the path I've been on and will continue on. My brother David is divorced and childless, and my brother Sean is married but gay and not interested in adoption, so our branch of the family tree ends with us, I guess. I don't feel as if I'm under any special obligation to continue the family line, but it's a little sad to contemplate our collective end. Whoever will be there to mourn our passing will not be our progeny. Meanwhile, the unsavory branches of our family tree, especially in California, are proudly Catholic and reproducing like rabbits. That's how evil takes everything over. Heh.
Somewhere, maybe, there's another universe in which I'm a family man with a whole brood of kids, soon to be a grandfather. I hope that that Kevin is enjoying himself. As for me, I'm doing fine the way I am: alone, but not lonely. I'm fine with the path I've taken.
3 comments:
Sorry to have been a stranger. I'm like one of those evangelicals who emerged from the caves of hibernation but hasn't returned to their former responsibilities.
I'll run along now: But. I'll. Be. Back.
Jeffery 'Anonymous' Hodges
Well, you're a busy man.
I assume, when you last told me you didn't know what address I should mail a book to, that you were about to move somewhere. Have you moved, then? Do you now have a mailing address?
Being satisfied with the way things are is an underrated definition of success. I hope to achieve that someday before I die. It's fine to imagine a life you didn't live as long as you enjoy the one you have.
Well done, sir, well done!
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