Tuesday, September 23, 2003

to all who spasm

A quick word of thanks to all you people who've been buying my book. It's been selling slowly and steadily over the past year, but this week saw an unusual increase over at Amazon. I've had to ship three extra lots in a row to the Amazon warehouse.

I'm tempted to theorize about why people prefer to buy my book through Amazon. At a guess, it's because the customer can remain anonymous; I have no idea who you are unless you write me specifically and tell me-- whereas any purchases made through PayPal tell me right away who you are since I manage order fulfillment (I need your name & address, after all, if I'm to ship the book to you).

Further, I surmise that anonymity is important because the book's dirty reputation precedes it, so for some timid folks it's a bit like ordering condoms or porn online as opposed to doing it over-the-counter.

Here's the problem. I've got the book on sale through Amazon mainly for marketing purposes, but Amazon's misnamed "Advantage" program rips me off by taking 55% of my cover price and charging me a $30 annual fee (instituted as of this year; thanks, Amazon). I'd much rather you bought my book directly through me, and I promise you I won't sneer. For God's sake, it's NOT like you're buying porn! There's only one porn-like story in the whole book, and it's a deliberate parody of all the sappy online erotica that's being churned out by bored, itchy, frumpy housewives across the nation. So aside from a measly three pages of possibly porn-like prose, Scary Spasms is free of actual smut. Unless, of course, your definition of smut is so broad that it includes the merest mention of naughty bits, hairy holes, and their excretions.

The book is gross, yes. But it's not a wank-inducer. So don't be ashamed to buy directly from me. I want your business!

Oh, wait. Maybe you're someone from my congregation. Someone morbidly curious. Ahhhh, in that case, I don't think I want to know who you are.

All the same, whether you're buying the book through Amazon or through me directly, I genuinely appreciate the business. Christmas is coming; if you have friends with unpuckered sphincters who enjoy gross, nasty, scatological, emotionally stunted humor, then buy a couple copies of Scary Spasms for them. And have them email me some reviews to stick up on the blog and/or on the Amazon entry.


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