Tuesday, December 20, 2022

to all my peeps who have no idea what love really is

Surly Matt Walsh, of all people, gets it right as to what love is.


John Mac said...

Love and lust are both four-letter words that start with "l." Just sayin'.

Interesting perspectives in this video. The words of Jee Yeun when she left--"I no have happy life with you" burned a hole in my soul. I still occasionally get messages from her saying she misses me, but there's no going back to someone who walks selfishly walks away from a lifetime commitment. Yeah, I've been a bad husband in the past, but I was all in with Jee Yeun. I think that's why I struggle with the whole concept of love now. Or maybe I'm just making excuses.

Kevin Kim said...

"I no have happy life with you"

Maybe she was selfish to say something like that and not justify it with reasons. Maybe she was selfish just to walk off. But what made her feel that way? Did you guys ever talk about what would make you both happy, or were you both buoyed along by that feeling of infatuation that Matt Walsh talked about—a superficial emotion that comes and goes and is no substitute for real love which, as Walsh points out, is an activity, not a feeling? Love is doing. It's not just sitting around in a glow. It takes effort. And you're right: in JY's case, she's the one who walked when she should have worked at it. But were you both working at it before she walked? I have a feeling that it wasn't just one person who dropped the ball.

I'm open to the idea that JY entered into the marriage with a stunted view of what love is. But I don't think she was alone in that.

John Mac said...

Honestly, I never understood what happened or why. I was all in with the life we had built together: six months in the USA/six months in Korea, a sweet little house in South Carolina, and a nice high-rise apartment in Seoul. I played darts in both countries, and she was always there as my biggest fan. I don't know what changed. I never did any of the stupid mistakes of my past, like cheating. One day, she just stopped coming with me to Itaewon for darts. And then, when it was time to return to the states, she declined to join me.

That's when I came back from retirement and took a job again in Korea--I wanted to be with her and save the marriage. I tried to be less selfish and do things like take her on trips around Korea that I thought she would enjoy. Despite my efforts over the course of a year to change her mind, she still told me she wanted a divorce.

That was six years ago this month. I'm still not over it.