Tuesday, October 14, 2003

with apologies for absence...

Yesterday's NK blog didn't appear because my colon had other plans for me, and informed me rather suddenly of them while I was in mid-type. Luckily, I live only 200 yards away from this PC-bahng, so I was able to waddle home without shotgun-blasting anything along the way. When I was about 50 yards from my front gate, however, I had a strange feeling I was being watched. I stopped and whipped around, and sure enough, a tiny dog was staring at me from a dark corner. It was a hilarious moment. The dog looked no bigger than a chihuahua (its ears were much smaller), but it was fixing me with the most serious, beady-eyed gaze I'd ever seen on a Korean dog. With its bulgy eyes, it reminded me a bit of the mythical haetae, the Korean dog-unicorn-lion beast (known as a fu dog in the Chinese-American community, yes?) seen as stone sculptures all over the place.

Managed to get inside the domicile, situate myself on the pot, and have a wonderfully explosive release that shook the heaven-realms, ruptured the hell-realms, and made Keanu go, "Whoa." Too bad I don't have a digital camera with me. I could have shown you a Rorschach pattern to end all Rorschach patterns.

A: "Holy shit-- it's an eagle! An eagle run over by a truck!"

B: "No, you fool. That's clearly Hillary Clinton. Look, it's even got the death's-head grin. Track down a bit and you see the fat ass."

C: "I was thinking something more along the lines of a brown and runny Georgia O'Keefe."

B: "You mean he shat a flower-vagina?"

C: "More like a vagina-flower, I'd say."

A: "Oh, for a dump of fire..."

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