Commas, Part 5

Commas, Part 1
Commas, Part 2
Commas, Part 3
Commas, Part 4

[NB: I've written about vocative commas before, but I'll be reviewing them here.]

In this section, we'll be talking about how you use vocative commas.

The term "vocative" comes from the Latin vocare, to call. A vocative comma, then, is a comma that is used in situations where people call or address other people. These days, the Brits in particular are loath to use vocative commas, so I suspect that, little by little, the usage rules I'm explaining here are in the process of eroding. And let's face it: Yanks are using vocatives less and less, too. Like it or not, language is always changing. (But that's not an excuse to be a shitty writer.) For the time being, though, the following are incorrect:

· Fuck you Kylo.
· Yes Herr Dingleherr.
· More peanut butter in your enema Johnny?
· Hortense please lower your skirt in front of Father Maxwell.

Done correctly, the above expressions should read:

· Fuck you, Kylo.
· Yes, Herr Dingleherr.
· More peanut butter in your enema, Johnny?
· Hortense, please lower your skirt in front of Father Maxwell.

I frequently get emails that start with "Hey Kevin." Makes me wanna pull my fucking hair out. What is so goddamn hard about tucking a comma into its proper place, eh? Sigh... the collective inertia of this much mindlessness is what drives the evolution of language, alas. When stupidity reaches a critical mass, the language changes, and often for the worse. True: that's more of an aesthetic judgment than anything else. But this is my blog, and I'm entitled to my opinions.

Anyway, as you see above, in the second group of four sentences, the vocative comma either immediately precedes or immediately follows the name of the person/entity being addressed. And that's how vocative commas work. Simple as that.

QUIZ
Insert vocative commas where needed.

1. Ted is that your scrotum in the Instagram pic?
2. Ted is that dickhead you met at the party last night.
3. Don't wander too far into the Vagina Forest Eleven.
        (NB: Eleven is a girl in "Stranger Things.")
4. Can't say that I envy you Swollen Cat.
5. Yondu why you so blue?
6. Can't say that I envy your swollen cat.

[ANSWERS:
1. comma after "Ted"
2. no comma needed
3. comma before Eleven
4. comma after "you"
5. comma after "Yondu"
6. no comma needed]