Friday, May 21, 2004

Hominid: a symphony of ME

My site traffic sucks, but I'm well aware that this is because of the "blogological" choices I've made.

Still, this lack of big traffic doesn't keep people from talking about me, and as with kimchi and opera, the reviews of BigHominid are mixed.

Annika engages in a paroxysm of Hominid-referral here and here, then calls me "twisted" here. I responded to this by asking if I could live inside Annika's thong. She told me to go shave my pubic hair.

Wooj devotes a post to his mother's and sister's reactions not only to Wooj's review of "Lost in Translation," but also to my foul prose-- apparently, words do have an effect on people, though I often wish they wouldn't. Wooj's sister writes:

[If] there are gonna be people like Kevin Kim leaving foul comments, there is no way that I’m going to keep a blog.

Just yesterday, the Maximum Leader joked that my reply to Anna's latest post was "too graphic" (this reply also featured a thong... I may have found a new obsession), and this selfsame Maximum Leader has shaken his head and mused, "We have to figure out a way to get you to use your powers for good."

Dr. Vallicella's blog has obviously taken off, because he's getting reader mail à la Keith Burgess-Jackson. But even here, I find fuel for my self-obsession: a reader, Dennis Mangan, writes to compliment Dr. Vallicella, then takes a moment to make a face at my stinkiness:

I can't resist noting that that Big Hominid fellow you link to has a very unhealthy obsession with posteriors and excrement. Not a blog I want to read.

Dr. Vallicella voices his own rectal bewilderment and proffers a doleful conclusion in response to Mr. Mangan:

I too am puzzled by the Big Ho's proctological and scatological obsessions. He needs to have two blogs, one devoted to the aforementioned obsessions, the other to serious matters, or as he might say, 'serious shit.' I linked to him to repay him in kind for linking to me, and because he carefully read and commented on one of my online papers on Buddhism. (I'm an egalitarian: I'll engage with any person serious about philosophy, regardless of whether or not he has any letters following his name.) The Big Ho is obviously intelligent and I would encourage him to put his talents to better use.

I am afraid that what has happened is that Boomers such as myself have sown the wind, and now we are reaping the whirlwind in the generation right behind us.

Is Dr. Vallicella suggesting that the Boomers shat out my generation? When they shat us out, did it happen with a boom, perhaps? Despite the apparent tut-tutting, I think Dr. V's actually giving us a view of his Inner Scatologist. Note two sly references to "wind" as well as a cognate of the word "boom" in the final sentence alone!

As for my love of scatology, well... isn't it obvious? Farts are hilarious; Hershey Squirts doubly so, especially if you're a guy. Come on, admit it. Unpucker that sphincter. Life isn't all about seriousness. Farting and shitting are perfectly natural occurrences, but the Good Lord has seen fit to make human digestion and excretion (and sex, come to think of it) as goofy as possible. Have you never laughed at an accidental fart? Sure, you have! Even been changing a baby's diaper, only to get blasted because Junior wasn't done yet? I have! Ever watched a zoo animal take a shit and then lick its own asshole? I've probably got pictures of this somewhere! Maybe it's just me, but these things strike me as hilarious, and I never tire of them.

Walt Whitman gave us his "Song of Myself," but one day I hope to write "Song of My Ass"-- and translate it into Korean for Wooj's mother and sister, so they can appreciate its beauty all the more!


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