Wednesday, April 19, 2006

like a silent fart, the whiff of scandal

It is I, your hippopotamus, back again with strange and interesting news from my 1pm MWF Level 1 conversation class.

The class itself was pretty normal. Nothing out of the ordinary to report-- until the very end of class.

"Kevin!" one of my young ladies barked as the students made ready to leave.

"Yes!" I barked back.

"How about doing something with us next week?"

My student was referring to our department's upcoming one-week break, during which time Smoo students will be taking midterm exams and letting off stress in the evenings. We teachers in the Lingua department will be on break. She was probably asking if I'd like to join the students one night for dinner at a cheapie resto.

I resisted the urge to take the conversation in a lascivious direction and uttered a noncommittal grunt. But another student, the oldest one in the class,* got bold and asked:

"What would you like to do with us?"

As all native speakers of English know, the word do is positively tumescent and pulsating with meaning. I don't think I smiled or anything, but my student must've caught something on my face, because she followed up with:

"How about we all hit the sauna?"

This provoked a giggle fit from some students, and gave me the opportunity to do an exaggerated riff on the scandal we'd all provoke. I mimicked our department head shaking her finger at me and asking in a pointed, schoolmarmish way, "Is it true that you were in a sauna with ten women the other night?"

We all laughed the proposal off. But now I'm stuck with this image in my head. I dare not describe it lest I be ratted out by a coworker and end up fired simply for being male. Let's just say that the image may or may not have involved scented oils and long, languorous massages, cheerfully given and received.

*I forgot to add that little detail earlier-- the fact that that student was the oldest one in the class. She's in her mid-20s, which may explain her boldness.


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