damn

Scott sends me this one-stop link to a post on Christianity and masturbation. That ought to keep you itchy fuckers busy for a while.

Lower GI Joe sends the following email (it's got some Chinese characters in it; I hope they come through; if not, write me-- but first check & make sure you're not using an older OS and/or browser, because there's nothing I can do to help you if that's the problem):

Kevin,

Good job on the Langdon spoof...your blog has one hell of a Brown streak running down it.

And yes, the Mandarin pronounciation of anus is "gang mun"--肛門--(actually "gang men" if you follow the PRC hanyu pinyin romanization system.). The character for "gang", incidentally breaks down into the character radical for "organ" (月）and "work" (工), while "men" is a gate. Hence, it could be thought of as the "Hard Workin' Gate". I know mine is.

This reminds me of when I was living in Taiwan, there was a KMT commissioner from central Changhua County named Ruan Gang-men (阮剛猛), who's name is a homophone in Chinese for "Soft Asshole" (軟肛門), proving once again to Taiwanese that the Kuomintang is full of squishy, distended anuses.

Keep on keepin' on, man-

Lower G.I. Joe

I'm not in the mood for a critical engagement of S. Mark Heim's pluralistic theory today, so I thought I'd talk about work.

I'm currently on break from my 12-hour shift. Am happy to be getting it over with today. One of our cute receptionists got herself a new hairstyle. She saw me staring and asked me whether I liked the hairdo. At the same moment, she yawned and stretched, and her shirt popped up, exposing a very trim, firm midriff.

"Yes, I like it," I said.

That, friends, was the only high point in my day.

It hasn't been a particularly difficult day. I'm sedentary by habit, so it's not as though I'm straining myself by being in the office for longer than usual. I've pulled 12-hour stretches at other jobs, doing more strenuous work. Today is a breeze by comparison, and for added perspective, I can always compare my lot to that of our Korean colleagues, who work twice as hard for significantly less pay and a helluva lot more heartache.

I didn't wear my lab coat today. The boss saw me when we crossed paths in the hallway. She said nothing. Being the calculating person she is, she's sure to have a receptionist talk to me about the problem. Either that, or I'll experience some quiet cuts in pay to compensate for my noncompliance. I don't care. I'm not putting the damn thing on. If I were working for an airline, OK. If I were in a marching band, no problem. But I'm an English teacher, not a lab tech, and I don't play a lab tech on TV. I won't participate in what has to be the world's corniest charade.

Am mulling over whether to eat dinner. Hmmm. Might be a thought, that. I've got a half hour before I have to report back.

Did I mention we use time cards to punch in and punch out? If I did, I apologize. When you're old, you start repeating yourself. And when you're as old as I am... you start repeating yourself.

Maybe I should begin fondling my hemorrhoids in public. You know-- just to fuck with the staff. Appear naked except for my lab coat, go into the student waiting area, spread my knees and go to town. Anyone know the Korean expression for "fondling one's own hemorrhoids"?

Then again, nah. A student might complain.

_