Wednesday, September 22, 2004

pull out yer twanger and play with your balls!

YET MORE on masturbation (and, uh, other things, it would seem) in a hilarious email I received from Charlie, the KimcheeGI. Charlie writes:

Wondering if you seen this yet. From British Children's tv:

LINK to the video

[edited to clean up punctuation; italics added]


For those of you who don't know, "Rainbow" was a credible children's TV show from the 70's and 80's. This clip was actually broadcast and watched by millions of youngsters (maybe).

For those of you who don't have kids or are far too young to remember the splendid children's TV programme "Rainbow", this may be a little lost on you...... but it must have been a great episode to watch!

Almost too ridiculous to believe... These are taken from original "Rainbow" scripts and there's no way these could have been done by accident. Innuendo all the way....

The sketch opens with Zippy peeling a banana...

Zippy: One skin, two skin, three skin, four....

George: Zippy, where is Bungle?

Zippy: I think Geoffrey is trying to get him up.

We see a view of the door and hear Bungle moaning from behind it.

Bungle: Geoffrey, I can't get it in.

Geoffrey: You managed it last night.

Bungle: I know, let's try it round the other way around. Ooooooh, I've got it in.

Bungle and Geoffrey enter the studio with Bungle carrying a hammer and peg kit.

Bungle: Would you stick this on the shelf, George?

George: I can't reach, you'll have to stick it up yourself.

Geoffrey (to camera) Hello, everyone! Today we are talking about playing.

Bungle: Playing with each other, Geoffrey?

Geoffrey: Yes Bungle, do you have a special friend that you like to play with?

George: Yesterday we played with our balls. Are we going to play with our friend's balls today?

Bungle: Yes, and we can play with our twangers as well.

Geoffrey (to camera): Have you seen Bungle's twanger?

Zippy: Oh I have, I showed him how to pluck with it.

Bungle: It's my plucking instrument.

Geoffrey asks the audience if they can pluck like Bungle.

Zippy: I can, I'm the best plucker here.

George: And I'm good at banging. My peg's hard isn't it Zippy?

Zippy: Well of course it is, Your peg wouldn't go in if it was soft.

Geoffrey: Let's get back to Bungle's twanger.

Bungle (excited): Oooooh Geoffrey, we could all paint our twangers, couldn't we?

George: Let's sing that plucking song.

Bungle: Rod and Roger can get their instruments out and Jane has got two lovely Maracas.

Singers Rod, Roger and Jane enter.

Rod: We could hear you all banging away.

Roger: Banging can be fun.

Jane: Ooooh yes, and I was banging away all last night with Rod and Roger.

Roger (looking sad): Yes, but it broke my plucking instrument.

Geoffrey: Never mind, Roger. Let's sing the plucking song, come on, everybody get your instruments out!

Rod (to Jane): Do you want to blow on my pipe while I'm twanging away?

Jane: Oh no, Rod, I was blowing a lot with Roger last night. But would you like to play with my maracas?

Zippy: No, let's just pluck away with our twangers.

Bungle: Yes, it doesn't matter what size your twanger is.

Zippy: I've got a big red one.

George: I've only got a tiny twanger. But it works well and I like to play with it.

Geoffrey (to viewers): Well, have you got your twangers out? And remember, you can bounce your balls at the same time. If you haven't got any balls, ask a friend if you can play with his. Now, let's all sing the plucking song.

Everyone in studio: Pluck, pluck, pluck away, we're going to pluck all day today. Pluck, pluck, pluck away, we're going to pluck all day.

Geoffrey (to viewers): It's time for us all to go now, but don't forget to get your twangers out and play with your balls. See you soon. Bye.

Ladies: understanding the male sense of humor takes almost no effort at all. We're simple-minded and easily pleased.

In other news...

Just yesterday, I was shocked to find myself walking behind a woman with a bizarre hairy patch on her left calf. Her legs were otherwise totally hairless, which made me stare all the harder at the patch. There are Chinese folks who think that hairy moles on your face are auspicious; I had to wonder whether Miss Hairy Patch was thinking something similar, or whether she'd simply missed a spot while shaving. If that was a missed spot, I shudder to think what her legs must look like when they're in full flower.


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