Friday, September 10, 2004


Centaurs are generally portrayed as half-man, half-horse. It occurred to me the other day that a centaur, if it truly possesses such man-horse anatomy, must have two sets of intestines. Look at the body. The human torso extends almost to the pubic region, which leaves plenty of room for a human GI tract. The horse's body is complete from the shoulders on back, which means the centaur's harboring a full-size, full-strength equine GI tract as well.

What does it look like when a centaur eats? Do their jaws unhinge so they can scarf down tons of oats and hay and wasabi peas? Do centaurs stand around saying things like, "Damn, I'm so hungry I could eat your mother"? And the greatest question of all: What's it look like when a centaur takes a shit?

"Like shit through a centaur" might be a great phrase for the new millennium. We should try spreading it around. The expression, I mean, not the shit. But centaur shit itself presents us with interesting questions. After passing through two-- count 'em-- two GI tracts, we're talking some grade-A, unadulterated, high-octane scat. Intestines generally suck out nutrition and moisture, but if centaurs are magical creatures, do centaur intestines suck out the magic, too? What cometh out yon centaur's fundament?

I leave the above conundrum for those more enlightened than yours truly.


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