Sunday, July 02, 2006

the practical significance
of the Tao Te Ching

There's a copy of the Tao Te Ching sitting on my dinner table right now.

Saturday afternoon, I was boiling hot dogs and prepping buns along with sauces. I noticed that my ketchup was running low. My usual solution, in such cases, is to turn the bottle upside-down and slam the bottle cap repeatedly on a hard surface to bring the ketchup right to the aperture. I've since come to realize, though, that the slamming noise transmits itself through the floor and is probably obnoxious for the security guard below me. On what could I slam the bottle so as to deaden the noise but preserve the necessary force...?

Lao Tzu's classic caught my eye, and I had an interreligious epiphany:

Yes! Taoism meets I SLAM, baby!

Moments later the ketchup, like blood from the side of Christ, flowed freely. And there was much rejoicing.


1 comment:

Maven said...

Personally, I employ the "windmill" technique, wherein I hold the bottom of the bottle, lid securely on, and start propelling my arm like a windmill, thus using centrifugal force.

However, to prevent the need for such amusement, I usually keep condiment bottles upside down.

PS: Be sure to check out the "Cream of Weiner Water Soup" posted over at Turdmania:)