Saturday, February 10, 2007


I want nanolotion. Self-administered surgery in a bottle. Itty-bitty nanites, smaller than cells, held in suspension inside a viscous substance I can smear on a given part of my body to effect microscopic (and perhaps even macroscopic) repairs: that's what I want.

There would be different lotions for different problems. Look! This pink bottle contains nanites that unclog arteries while you sleep! This red bottle deals exclusively with liver problems! This green bottle hunts down and destroys colon polyps! This blue bottle destroys excess fat! This grey bottle goes after cancerous metastases!

Or perhaps in the future we will need only one such bottle-- One Bottle to Rule Them All, a single container of super-smart nanites.

In all cases, the nanolotion would be topically applied, but the nanites would be programmed to handle mistakes such as oral ingestion by toddlers. The nanites would find their way into the body through the skin, leaving not a single mark as they exploited our natural porosity.

The nanites would work in concert to perform their mission-- killing an army of cold viruses, shattering cancer cells, obliterating and flushing out the remains of a cataract. Then, they would either shuffle to the intestines to be excreted and flushed away, or would move en masse back to their point of entry and reappear on the skin as lotion again, ready to be scraped back into the bottle. Nanites would need a power source, so I imagine the bottle would have to be placed back in its recharger stand.

I suppose I'd wait a few "versions" before trying nanolotion for myself. The potential for tragedy is high, at least in the early stages of development and distribution. Imagine your nanites going nuts while working on your spine as you slept. Imagine them taking a perfectly normal brain and turning it schizophrenic. Hell, imagine them working on your reproductive plumbing and making some foolish mistake! I'm not ready to wake up one morning and discover I now have five dicks sprouting from various parts of my body. No: I'd definitely wait until the lotion was guaranteed to be effective.

But I think nanolotion is an idea whose time has come. Don't you?

The important question, though, is what sort of brand name we could concoct for our invention...

TRIVIA: A quick Google search of "nanolotion" shows the term is already very much in use, but alas, not in the way suggested above.


1 comment:

Maven said...


Quick. Copyright/Trademark that.