Sunday, February 04, 2007

postal scrotum: Joe Seoulman's animal insights

Joe writes:

Kevin,

Hmmm. Homosexuality in animals, what horror! That makes me think of a funny story.

My father is a cowboy. He’s got about 300 cows or so. He’s also got a dozen or so horses, as any good cowboy would have. He also packs people into the mountains for hunting trips and whatnot. He’s got a horse that is half Clydesdale and he’s got a mule so that he can carry more stuff. He was in the market for another good quality mule when he decided that he'd try to breed his own.

One day, several years ago, he brought home a donkey to breed with one of his bigger mares. This donkey, Orville was his name, was quite large for a donkey. My father was dreaming of the great mules that Orville would sire with Vicky, the mare.

Orville was a very sweet donkey. He brayed in a friendly, welcoming way whenever a car would drive up to the ranch. My mother just loved Orville. She’d always bring him sugar cubes and scratch him behind his big ears. He was quite friendly.

There was a problem, though. Orville didn’t like the mares. He wanted nothing to do with any of them. He kept trying to mount the other boy horses (geldings). This infuriated my father. Orville had a new name. His new name, at least according to my father, was “That Goddamned Faggot Ass.”

As the years have passed, I now think that the fact that [my father] had a homosexual donkey was some sort of blow to his own cowboy manhood. (Almost as bad has me being a vegetarian for the ten years prior to moving to Korea).

True story.

Joe

The donkey that preferred Brokeback Mountin'. I don't see animal gayality as harmful or even special, but I can see how it might annoy farmers and cowpokes to no end. We humans can debate the significance and definition of concepts like marriage, but for people who handle animals, it's essential that the animals breed.

I wonder, though, how animal rightists might respond to my above claim. If animals have rights, should they be forced to breed?


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