Tuesday, December 28, 2004

can urine ricochet off clothing?

At the end of the morning half of my split shift, I lumbered over to the restroom just outside EC to drain the dragon. I was at the standing pissoir, firing away, when I noticed a small, half-dried, yellow droplet on top of the urinal, on the porcelain surface next to the chrome flusher.

This got me wondering how the hell the urine could have gotten up there. I found myself mentally projecting possible trajectories, doing a urinary ballistics test in my brain.

In case you ladies didn't know this, male urine doesn't usually fly upward unless the schlong is pointed in a generally upward direction. Given that most men pissing in public urinals are not sexually aroused, a given man's urine has little business rising above waist level.

Some possible scenarios:

1. Maybe some dude did have a hard-on. And while pissing, he sneezed or something.

2. The pisser was holding his dong, but he had the DTs or cerebral palsy, so it was a bit like a priest flicking holy water all over the place.

3. The guy was jumping up and down.

4. He didn't have a hard-on at first, but then the 60-year-old cleaning lady shuffled in.

5. He was scooping his urine up with cupped hands in order to wash his face. You know-- kill two birds with one stone.

6. He was having a "bad hole day"-- i.e., the piss was coming out funny. Bad hole days can be a source of hilarity. I've had the double-stream on occasion, but have yet to score the triple. The absolute worst is when the bad hole directs your piss back into your pants. Stop looking at me that way-- this hasn't happened in years.

7. Urine can ricochet off clothing... though we'd still have to explain why it was caroming upward.


No comments: