Saturday, December 04, 2004

this holiday season...
why not give the gift of sperm!?

Sick of long lines during the Christmas shopping season? Disenchanted with e-commerce? At a loss for what to give your friends, loved ones, and pets?

Well, why not give the gift of sperm?

Spermatozoa come prepackaged in their own seminal fluid, and are absolutely free! Even better, you don't have to search very far to find your local semen dispensary! Just reach down and feel around until you locate your patented Sperm Delivery Tube, and crank that puppy up!

If you're looking for a clever gift, there's nothing more original than spoo, a gift that comes straight from the heart!

Do you have bickering relatives? Imagine how they'll all fall silent when you spray 'em with steaming gouts of your love gunk! At last-- peace reigns supreme in your household, and just in time for the arrival of the Baby Jesus!

Is your wife looking for cheap glue so she can paste the Christmas cards to the wall? Sperm to the rescue! Trapped in an elevator with a beautiful stranger? Does she look like she needs cheering up? What are you waiting for!? Hose her down with the ultimate symbol of good cheer!

Let's face it: nothing adds zest to saumon en papillote quite like cock snot. And if you're hard up for an unbeatable pet shampoo, well... the answer to that problem lies within! No need to tell your pet you're sorry: spray it, don't say it!

Sperm is a gift you can give immediately! You can fire off millions at a time, which means everyone's a multimillionaire! Delivery is instantaneous; freshness is guaranteed, and best of all, there's no postage!

With all these advantages, you'd be a fool not to give the gift of sperm this holiday season! Launch some love today!


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