Saturday, June 11, 2005

awash in hotness

Call it a failure of will. I have to break radio silence because this was just too good to pass up.

On Thursday, June 9 at 11AM, barely a week along in my summer vacation, I found myself sitting in the first-floor cafe of Smoo's Social Education Building, waiting to participate in a photo shoot. I had no idea about the details; earlier in the week, I'd been told by the main office that they needed me to take some photos for the school. I assumed this meant something like yearbook pictures: Kevin in semi-formalwear, striking conservative poses, double chin and gut on proud display. I hadn't had an official faculty photo made yet, so this hypothesis made sense.

But I was wrong. The reality was far better. Bear with me. It starts rough, but smooths out.

Three ladies were waiting for me when I arrived: a fat older woman in a tight green shirt, her fat rolls sloshing about seismically; a slim undergraduate who was polite if a bit timid; and a 40-something woman with nice eyes but more than a trace of mustache. Ms. Mustache was the coordinator, as it turned out; Ms. Fat Rolls was the professional photographer; and Mrs. Undergrad was my interpreter/liaison.

I spoke with Ms. Undergrad for a while as Ms. Fat Rolls took a position on the balcony above us and began shooting the cafe. Ms. Undergrad had spent six months in NYC studying at Columbia; she was a business major. Her English wasn't too bad-- probably better than my Korean. I couldn't help noticing she was pretty cute.

It turned out that we were waiting for a group of students to show up-- a group of Smoo girls who'd been selected for the shoot. Ms. Undergrad explained the scenario: we were to pretend to be having class, and while our "lesson" proceeded Ms. Fat Rolls would snap photos of us. I nodded, then looked up as the students finally walked into the building, fashionably late.

Holy shit, they picked the five cutest girls on campus!


I make fun of my own fatness and ugliness all the time, but today I truly felt a mixture of YES! and CHRIST, I'M A PIG! Putting me with that group was like surrounding Jabba the Hutt with those nasty-fine Twi'lek dancers.

But these girls weren't bubbleheads with nothing but body to show for themselves. Along with being extremely good-looking, the students had brains and ambition. One in particular, a composition major, caught my eye right away, and for the rest of that hour, it was damn hard not to ignore everyone else and speak only with her. Yikes. She had amazing eyes and a wonderful smile.

My male readers are, at this point, chanting, "Do her! DO HER!", but alas, she's an undergrad, so it's Look But Don't Touch for Uncle Kevin.

What a fantastic hour that was, though, touch or no touch.

No, you dogs, I didn't get her number. I wish I had, but that way lies scandal. Still, it was an amazing day, and I think they're going to give me free copies of some of the photos from the shoot. That will definitely be blogged. I'll be cropping myself out of the picture so you can feast your eyes the way I did.

I did not deserve that hour, but I'm thankful it happened. Mmmm, tasty.


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