Saturday, June 04, 2005

a note about my banner

Because Bill Keezer and Jennifer V. both noted that I appeared to have a problematic "it" on the banner's right side, I've finally made the change they've been waiting and praying for. Sorry it took so long; it was starting to bother me, too-- but only because others were confused!

Me, I'm still puzzled as to how the "it" was ambiguous. The pronoun "it" (now replaced by the phrase "the sock" for clarity) is grammatically singular; to my mind, I could only have been referring to the sock (which is also singular) and not to my balls (quite obviously plural). But Bill and Jennifer both wondered whether I might not have been referring to "balls" as a unit, which is a legitimate question.

Heh. Unit. I love English slang.

Conceptually, the problem was this: my intention was to ask the following "tree falls in the woods" question:

Is the sock inside your pants really there?

Because the wording somehow wasn't clear enough, people thought I was asking:

If your balls are covered by a sock, are your balls really there anymore?

As any philosopher worth his balls will tell you, my question is of far greater import than the second question. No man seriously questions the existence of his own balls. It's simply not worth speculation. If a man were to ask loudly, "How can you refute the claim that I have no balls!?", I would say, "I refute it thus!" and then kick him in the crotch.

It occurred to me that other readers of the Hairy Chasms might have been seething in silence the whole time, offended by my banner, dabbing futilely at their bleeding eyes with wads of Kleenex, gnashing their teeth in agony, baying at the moon, rolling around in their own dung, and masturbating furiously. For Bill, Jennifer, and all the accurst, I offer this correction.

I also changed the fonts for the quotes.


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