life is like a box of chalk clits

"Yo, Cath! Let's make a sex video. Bondage, chain saws, whips, and Fruit Loops. Whadaya say?"

"Cool, Troy! Who do we sell it to?"

"We're high school freshmen. Why not sell it on school grounds? There's your market, right there."

"Uh... won't people know who we are?"

"No way, Cath. Our genitals haven't ripened into distinct shapes yet. Who's to know?"

"Just you and me in the video, Troy?"

"I was thinking of inviting Bob, too. Do you mind?"

"Oh, Bob's cute! So, uh, do we, like, script the scenes? Double-penetration, all-input, the works? I've got a really stretchable mouth. And I do Kegels five times a day. That's really important, you know. I saw that on an instructional porn video called 'The Five Pillars of I-Slam.'"

"So long as we can do one scene with a live squirrel hanging half outta my ass, anything's cool."

"Hey, I like that. And we can dress the squirrel up in a little Madonna cone bra!"

"This is gonna rock. This is gonna cock rock!"

"How much should we sell it for? The video?"

"I dunno, C. I never bought one. What, five bucks a pop?"

"Works for me. Where do we make copies?"

"Bob's house has three VCRs, and his parents always stay upstairs. We can set up in the basement. Film and copy. I got a camera."

"I'm free Saturday, Troy."

"Lemme call Bob. I think Saturday'll work. Question-- you got a big back yard, right? Lots of trees?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Could you catch a couple squirrels, keep 'em well-fed until... you know? Bring 'em to Bob's."

"Yeah, sure. I'll even make a little dress and cone bra. We'll audition the squirrels, see which one fits the dress best."

"Thanks, Cath. You are da queen bitch."

[with thanks to Drudge, who also offers another disturbing-yet-humorous sex article here]

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