Tuesday, November 25, 2003

a must-read review of "The Two Towers"

'Tis the season to be shopping, and plenty of filthy consumers have already grabbed their copy of the special edition DVD of Peter Jackson's "The Two Towers."

But did they read the Landover Baptist review of TTT?

The Landover Baptist site (link is on my blogroll) is a constant source of Onion-style hilarity, kicking the scrotes of Christian fundamentalism the way Allahpundit whacks Islamofascism's balls (though LB also deals with other monotheisms' fundamentalism). Here's a link to the Landover Baptist review of "The Two Towers." Choice excerpt:

The very title of the film, "The Two Towers," should raise suspicion among True Christians. Secular humanists and Atheists always chide us for seeing sex where their foolish, ignorant minds cannot. But alas, it is there, raising its malignant form as usual. It's Satan's way of being childish, and it's our job to call him on it. This time around, you don't have to be a Bible Scholar or a Creation Scientist to see that The Two Towers are giant structures built to glorify and honor the aroused genitalia of two of the most powerful evil beings in the movie. The imagery is kept discrete only by the merciful fact that both creatures are uncircumcised – otherwise the shape of two enormous, throbbing purple penis heads would have been staring every moviegoer in the face!  The citizens of Middle Earth pick which penis they like best and head toward it. The Two Towers are merely there to show what the macabre genitalia of each Dark Lord looks like from great distances. And as anyone who has been in a men's locker room can attest, it is only the dark ones you can see from clear across the room.  Well, Satan, we're not laughing! You are sick, and your perverted, disgusting sense of humor has gone too far this time. True Christians are not going to stand still and let you tempt us by appealing to our natural love of Godly, Bible-based human carnage only to sucker us into seeing a film that is nothing more than a vehicle to promote your twisted sexual agenda!  And I stand here firm before you to say: we will not allow you to wag ungodly enormous penises in the face of our women!

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