Monday, March 04, 2019

Tony Stark lies to his fiancée

In the "Avengers: Endgame" trailer, Tony Stark, adrift in space after the events of "Infinity War," records a before-dying message to the love of his life, Pepper Potts, to whom he is betrothed. Early in the message, he says, "Food and water ran out four days ago."

I initially let this pass because I hadn't been listening closely, but then it occurred to me that most human beings would be dead after three days with no water. Extreme estimates put the survival period at about a week, maximum. Tony Stark might be somewhat fitter than the average human, but he's no Bruce Wayne, so even if he managed to survive seven whole days without water, by the four-day mark, his mouth would be so dry that the sticky saliva within it would wisp out like cobwebs as he was recording his farewell. His voice would be desiccated and raspy, like that of an undead Clint Eastwood, and the lack of water in his body's cells would give him a sunken, withered appearance (again, like that of an undead Clint Eastwood). The Tony Stark we see in the "Endgame" preview trailer looks rather well hydrated, I'd say, so perhaps it's best to conclude that he's gotten cold feet about marrying Pepper and is in the process of faking his death in space as a way to avoid getting married.


Horace Jeffery Hodges said...

"Food and water ran out four days ago." Sighing, Mr. Stark added, "And only a three-years' supply of beer, not to mention untold years of too-few cocktails! There're also endless numbers of virtual reality stories in which to insert oneself. I've already done questionable things . . ."

Jeffery Hodges

* * *

Charles said...

Isn't "undead Clint Eastwood" redundant?

Kevin Kim said...


Har. I'm sure would have the answer should we need it.