Tuesday, August 19, 2003

the absolute conditions for North Korea

Ah, the froth before the talks...

We already know the upcoming six-way talks are going to amount to nothing. NK confirms this in its insistence that the only way the US can prove its good faith is to "sign a non-aggression pact, establish diplomatic ties and make clear it would not hinder Pyongyang's foreign trade." I can imagine Colin Powell wanting to provide some sort of written guarantee to NK. I can just as easily imagine Rumsfeld screaming, "We will darken the sky with their ashes! Fire all quantum torpedoes!"

And part of me agrees with Rummy. But I'm not sure it's our decision.

I think we should propose complete withdrawal from the peninsula-- not during the two-way phase of the six-way talks, but right there in front of the other five participants. Our conditions shouldn't be conditions: just declare unilaterally that we're going to do this. Along with this, we say, "Further, we affirm NK's juchae ideology and hereby cease all aid to North Korea, which can obviously rely on itself. Along with this, we encourage the South Koreans to affirm their brotherhood with the North by allowing them to take full responsibility for any and all economic and military arrangements between the two Koreas, up to and including reunification. We believe China, Russia, and Japan should move in the same direction."

Meantime, SK and NK practice a little diplomacy on the side. For those of you not familiar with the situation, this shit happens all the damn time. Technically, the peninsula's still in a state of war. Which is why I always get a laugh whenever the North raves that a given US action "will be considered an act of war." We're already at war, dickholes.

In other Korea news: BOY, I'M GLAD WE'RE SAFE FROM TERRORISM! I must say, though: it's interesting to rub shoulders here with Iranians, Jordanians, and others. Let me indulge a paranoid thought: there seem to be more and more Muslims on the subways in Seoul. I see them every single day, especially as I trundle along Line 6. Like the Indians, they tend to move in packs of three or four. What if... what if... some naughtiness were being planned? What if some Muslims were plotting to precipitate war on the peninsula (more egg on America's face), and what if something catastrophic happened... but South Koreans realized the source was Muslim (just bear with me), and suddenly North and South found themselves united against the radical Islamic threat? Oh, that would make for some interesting fireworks.

Even as Seoul kisses Pyongyang's ass, Pyongyang farts chunkily in its face!

UPDATE: Pyongyang may have decided to accept President Noh's groveling apology and seems, for the moment, to have desisted in its chunky farting.

Quis custodiet ipsos custodies?

The debate over the shorter work week continues. I'm actually FOR a shorter work week, because I know full well that, even with weekends free, Koreans will still end up working the same number of hours per week. The companies will see to it. Salaried folks already get squeezed for all they're worth (granted, they're not always working while in the office, but it still sucks to be trapped in your "veal fattening pen" away from family, alcohol, and PC-bahng); that's not about to change. College is about the only time a Korean can expect to experience a little freedom... and for guys, that gets interrupted by obligatory military service.

The Dong-A Ilbo quotes some Chomskian blather.

No comments: