Wednesday, May 10, 2006

from the Walking Dude's journal

I've spent the last few hours reading through the Walking Dude's journal (written by both him and his wife). Here's a great excerpt, from his October 3, 2005 "version one" entry, about the challenge of self-improvement (edited very slightly for flow):

This is a hole that I have dug for myself. It was easy getting here, but now I am the only one able to get myself out of this hole and that is not a good bet. If your car runs out of gas and you need to go to the gas station to get more, you won't expect that car to take you there. It is the problem, and a solution is required that is independent of it.

But humans don't work that way. When we break down, we have to be the ones to fix the problem. Smokers who have quit need to have extra resolve around their friends who still smoke. Drug addicts try to stay away from drugs and keep clean.

But what about someone who has had difficulties with emotional problems? What do they do? Where does one go for his respite? How do you avoid your addiction? You cannot, so you must attempt to fix the problem with the very tool that is broken. It is an arduous task under the best of circumstances, but go ahead and throw the non-stop barrage of life into the mix-- the ceaseless nonsensical input from the people in the background, the demands of those in the foreground, your own personal demands, demons, weaknesses and desires-- and you have the setting for one epic battle. It truly is a wonder that we ever accomplish anything, considering the circumstances.



Maven said...

I find this post very interesting. Much in the way a drug addict avoids drugs, or a smoker might distance themselves from temptation due to friends still smoking... I find that I am avoiding family with emotional problems.

A good lot of my family has emotional problems. Sis and I are on Xanax and Lexapro, respectively. The rest just revel and wrestle with their own demons.

Even with medication, on occasion when I do take a call or read an email from my parents, who rant and rave about all the other nut jobs in our immediate universe, I am left feeling emotionally and physically spent.

However, I often ruminate about how if suddenly those relatives were to take care of themselves, and their own happiness and well being, perhaps the void left behind, the void would be so huge and insurmountable, they would no longer know how to function without the dysfunction and rage being there.

Maven said...

Vaught's story is bittersweet. Tho he lost the weight and gained new insights into himself, and the type of life he wants to lead... it is sad to learn that his wife filed for divorce on April 3. To him and his family, I send good thoughts for peace.