Wednesday, May 17, 2006

a new gorge, George!

We don't need a wall between the US and Mexico. I think we should build a gigantic canyon-- one that spans the entire US-Mexico border. Imagine the surprise on José's face when he finishes digging his border-crossing tunnel and finds himself suddenly plummeting into a 500-foot chasm with nothing but rocks and cacti and genetically engineered fang-snails at the bottom.

Then again, with all the dirt excavated from the canyon, perhaps we should build a wall. Or maybe not a wall-- it should be something more fun. How about a labyrinth? A labyrinth stocked with all our fiercest racists? Yes: racists that have been genetically fused with our killer fang-snails! Ever met a snail dat hates yo' off-white ass? Well, imagine millions of them charging at you.

A few miles back from the border, on the US side, we should also get some Hollywood geniuses to build enormous scenes of nuclear devastation: a Mexican's first view of the US should reveal vast, smoking craters, wrecked buildings, and rotting corpses-- a grim tableau of shattered lives and dashed hopes. The only sound our Mexican should hear is absolute silence, broken by the terrified scream of a lonely infant and the growl of a feral dog tugging tentatively at its limbs.

That, or we should invest in gateway teleportation technology: every Mexican who crosses an invisible line will suddenly find himself in Pyongyang, there to face Kim Jong Il, the most fearsome fang-snail of all.



R said...

Your principle is sound, Kevin, but what about some logistical issues?

Will the labyrinth have a Burger King? Or will the zenophobic fang snails have to eat Mexicans?

Also I'm thinking that you'll need humidifiers as well, to prevent the snails drying up in the dust.

Kevin Kim said...

Have you learned nothing from the all-powerful George Bush?