Monday, May 29, 2006

what it means to have a Korean for a friend

This evening I told my Korean buddy JW about my 98.4% rating. His reply:

"Once you lose all that weight, you'll get a 100%."

A few Koreabloggers are now blogging about workouts and weight loss. I'm not usually a big fan of blogger "memes" (a word whose semantic field has rapidly spun out of control largely thanks to us bloggers), but if there's a meme worth following, it's the Fitness and Weight Loss Meme.

JW made me promise to set some goals for myself and take advantage of my month off, so I take back the response I gave to Rory in the comments section of a different post: I won't be spending my days downloading Japanese porn. Looks like I'll be... physically moving about.

Special thanks go to the following people for providing direct and indirect inspiration:

Mom & Dad
my buddy JW
Sumiyoshi Pilgrim
The Lost Nomad
Dr. Vallicella
Max Becker-Pos
Matt B.
...and a host of others who have either hinted or flatly stated that Something Needs to Be Done.

Joel, however, crossed the line when he reminded me of my original goal of being able to run up Namsan. In an email, he warned me that his Jedi powers have increased since our last meeting. He suggested we go for a run up Namsan... and he called me "chicken."

I promised Joel that I would pray that God give him herpes for his insolence, and will do so now.

Let us bow our heads.

Eternal and ever-loving God, Lord of Hosts, Thy Spirit blows over the waters of this world. Thou givest life to the smallest microbe, strength to the oldest tree, and lust to my scrotum when I chance upon photos of Mina.

Immovable and eternally constipated God, remember Thy suffering faithful here below. Bless us and grant us the wisdom to discern Thy holy path, to conduct ourselves in the ways of righteousness that we might better glorify Thee. Forgive us when we stumble, fill us with Thy mercy, and increase our sperm motility factor a thousandfold even unto the tenth generation. Shower us in milk and honey, and let the women rub each other until they be purified.

O Lord, Thou didst send to us the gift of Thy Son, whose death and resurrection did redeem the world from the Evil One. We beseech Thee now, O Lord, to send forthwith the gift of herpes to Thy servant Joel, that his Gentiles may be afflicted with boils, itching, and a horrible burning sensation. May Joel's privy region be marked forever by this sign of Thy divine wisdom.

All this we pray in the name of Thy Son, Jesus the Christ. Amen.



Anonymous said...

To help you prepare for your run up Namsan, I have decided that we will run up the mountain behind my house when you visit. It'll be a blast!

Joel said...

Ouch. A whole prayer dedicated to me becoming infected with an STD. That's pretty harsh. ㅋ I can only imagine what you are going to have to say about Brian:

Anyway I'll take an STD for the team if it helps you get in shape. I'm gonna need someone to go cruising for chicks with and I don't think either of us are at the top of our game right now. :)