Tuesday, March 12, 2013

my thoughts exactly

Dr. Vallicella, with whom I disagree on most things metaphysical, writes a brief post discussing an essential ingredient for a good marriage, and for once I agree completely with him. He writes:

What makes for a good marriage? It is not enough to like your spouse. It is not enough to love her. The partners must also admire one another. There has to be some attribute in your spouse that you don't find in yourself (or not in the same measure) and that you aspire to possess or possess more fully. Must I add that we are not talking mainly about physical attributes?

I've long contended that respect—a close cousin of admiration—is a strong component of attraction for me. I might find a particular woman compellingly hot, but that attraction dissipates the moment I discover the woman's got nothing going on inside her head. If she's too flighty, too loud, chatty-about-nothing, needy, neurotic, or temperamental for no reason, she's outta there. There has to be something about that woman that I can respect.

Jack Nicholson's character in "As Good as it Gets" sums it up nicely when he says to Helen Hunt's character: "You make me want to be a better man." That, friends, is the secret ingredient. You admire—respect—the one you love, and you strive to make yourself worthy of what you admire about her.


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