It proved to be a fairly rainy walk, drying up only at the very end as I did the last kilometer. But something happened early in the walk that pissed me off and made me wish I had Darth Vader's power of telekinesis.
While I was walking toward the Tan Creek, two girls on bikes were riding toward me. One was on the bike path, as she should've been; the other, however, was on my walking path, and I could see her intention was to slip beside me as she passed without leaving my path. I strongly gestured her to move to the bike path, and even though she made eye contact with me, and I could see she understood my gesture, she ignored me and didn't alter her trajectory. She rode straight past me, still on the walking path, completely ignoring my signals to her.
I was filled with impotent fury. I had retroactive fantasies of grabbing her as she passed, throwing her to the ground, and pounding her head inside out with my bare fists, my knuckles caked in gore—blood, bone, and pulp flying everywhere as I vented my berserker rage. Fucking bitch. I imagined having a cane and yanking at her neck, spilling her off the bike, and before she could get up, I'd be on top of her, harp-sealing her to bloody death with my cane as her friend stopped and wailed while shakily trying to video me. I fantasized about grabbing the girl, running into the underbrush by the creek with her, then forcing her onto her knees at the creek's edge and shouting "Kiss the water, bitch!" while drowning her by shoving her head into the creek. And of course I imagined Force-choking her like Darth Vader, leaving her gasping as her eyes bulged wider, wider. God, I was mad.
Well, none of that happened. On the bright side, this means I didn't get arrested for anything. Meantime, I can only hope this bitch sprouts uterine cancer and dies a slow, horrible death, but with the way the universe works, she'll live a long, happy, blissfully unaware life of privilege and riches, spreading her bitchiness far and wide, yet still catching herself a decent man for a husband. Because as they say in those Larry Niven novels, There Ain't No Justice.
7 comments:
Maybe you misinterpreted her intentions. Now that you've lost weight, you have climbed high up on the attractiveness scale. This gal probably just wanted to get closer to you to get your attention and hope, in vain obviously, that you would have one of those love at first sight moments. Ah well. A missed opportunity for you both!
I have similar (but less graphic) thoughts when i am out cycling and come across people strolling on the clearly marked bike paths or randomly crossing without checking to see if a cyclist is coming. Shall we throw Momma from the Train?
Paul,
My American coworker is an avid biker, and he has similar complaints. A lot of walkers do indeed end up strolling into the bike lanes, and I think that's obnoxious. The reverse also happens frequently, and I've started to form a prejudice in my mind that Koreans just have trouble walking or biking in straight lines. So many of them weave back and forth inconsiderately, making trouble for the rest of us. Again, I wish I had the power of telekinesis.
John,
It's a nice fantasy. I don't recall whether the girl in question was herself cute. Not that it matters: when you're that rude and inconsiderate, it doesn't matter how cute you are: you're ugly to me.
Quite a rich inner life you have, Kevin.
Jeffery Hodges
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Jeff,
Here's the irony: as I was taking the subway back to my place at the end of the walk, I found myself reading an article about how the Taliban has already begun mistreating women. I remember thinking, "Oh, those poor, abused women." Then I realized I'd just been contemplating Taliban-style violence against the woman who had wronged me.
Ah, the Taliban. But the Taliban have bad reasons for the punishments they inflict on women. You, on the other hand, intend to teach those women a lesson about bicycle courtesy. You are exhorted to beat them (gently) with a stick (the size of a toothbrush).
Jeffery Hodges
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