Monday, July 28, 2003


And finally, after several weeks, the dreaded "PAY ME" buttons have made their appearance in the left-hand column!

You're scared, aren't you, you little pissant. Think you can run? It's way too late for that, butt-puppy. Yo' ass is MINE.

Forsooth. And prithee wherefore this horrifying need of filthy lucre? thou askest whilst fingering thy hemorrhoids.

Let's just say the blog costs me a lot in terms of time-- a few hours a day. That's time I could be teaching private English lessons and earning 80,000 won an hour (well... I did do that once, having taught the Chairman of Jaeneung Gyoyook, Park Sung Hoon). I also pay usage fees since I'm doing this at a Net cafe, not at home. If you think my prose is flashy and you want to keep me fleshy, feel free either to donate via the PayPal "donation" button, or buy my book, Scary Spasms in Hairy Chasms. My ass and I will thank you.

This isn't greed. It's more like... charity. Grad student = poor. Recently graduated grad student in religion = probably poor for life. If you think I'm going to get rich off this, consider: I have several tens of thousands of dollars in undergrad and graduate school debt (despite a very generous scholarship from CUA), and I'm hoping to learn enough Korean to apply to enter a doctoral program at UCLA (Korean Son Buddhism, what else?), where the living ain't cheap and the schooling ain't, either.

So money counts. Money's important. And no, I won't be using your hard-earned pognon to cultivate my melanomas and darken my nevuses in the Bahamas, or to go snorkeling in Fiji to grope porpoises, or to be one smilin' muthafucka' kickin' it in da Caribbean. Quite the opposite: I'll be digging my way, ever so slowly, out of my financial hole, liberating myself from the tight grip of a wet fiduciary sphincter.

Loyal readers are key. Even a single dollar tossed my way is fine by me. I'm not picky. And hey, if you donate over $1000, you become a Gold-level member (didn't want to say "Goldmember"), which guarantees you sexual congress with the Hominid be you animal, vegetable, or mineral. Like they said in "Aliens": Anytime, anywhere. (That's the official Ovine Violator's Motto. The great thing about sheep is that God made them pre-bent-over.)

You'll see an announcement like this every now and again (about money, not sheep hoochie). Don't be startled. Just know that the begging bowl is out, I'm on my knees, clacking on my mok-tak. It has to be this way.

If you like in-your-face scatological humor, check out my book. You can buy it through (though they take 55% of my cover price and charge me a steep yearly fee for the privilege of advertising on their site), or buy it directly from me by using the "buy now" PayPal button (I charge a cheap flat rate for shipping; it's win-win for you: I get more profit, you pay less for the same product than if you went thru Amazon). To use PayPal, you'll need to set up your own PayPal account, but that's not hard. Either way, check out the book's writeup on Amazon.

And nourish the beast.

Feed the Hominid.

Help him live to see another scrotumnal equinox.

The Hominid doesn't look like he's starving, true, but his wallet's bonier than Calista Flockhart after three foodless weeks in Death Valley.

Thanks in advance for your advance. I promise to put it to good use. Scout's honor. In the name of the rose.

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