Monday, July 21, 2003

When you look up "bloviate," you get a picture of Kim Jong Il

This always makes me laugh.

Non-aggression treaty!?

Yeah, right. In hell.

Tell you what-- here's my condition for a nonagression treaty: Kim Jong Il must allow himself to be dragged, naked, into a warehouse, shackled at the ankles, hung upside down by the shackles, and forced to poop on himself. Three times. And he's got to eat whatever poop ends up on his face. If none ends up on his face, the fallen poop will be scraped up and thrown or mashed onto his face, and he has to lick his lips clean while the rest of the poop dries and cakes.

While he's still upside down, people need to pour buckets of fresh-squirted monkey sperm over him.

Then a guy with a baseball bat needs to be allowed to take three hard whacks at Kim's exposed potbelly, hopefully producing a good load of vomit.

All of this must be filmed and broadcast repeatedly, nonstop, for a full year in North Korea. The video of this event will be packaged and sold in Japan as "Kim Jong Il bukkake porn."

That's all I ask. The nonaggression treaty is a cinch after that. Kim doesn't have to step down or anything.

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