Wednesday, July 23, 2003

Two out of Three?

We may or may not have nabbed (greased? wacked? snuffed?) the top two out of three of the Iraqi "deck of cards," Uday and Qusay Hussein, Saddam's strapping sons. Articles (and hope) abound. Here's one such article.

An alcohol-drenched Ewok celebration (with Ewok strippers and lapdancers) is planned for Saturday evening, if all this turns out to be true. Bush will appear dressed as the Emperor, and will be shooting electricity from his fingertips into the night sky. Cheney will appear as Darth Vader, wave a plastic lightsaber twice, then clutch his chest, collapse, and bellow something that sounds like, "Go, my son... leave me..." Keanu Reeves has promised to fly aimlessly around the celebration in his Neo garb. Hugo Weaving is slated to stand about looking cool. Morgan Freeman is on tap to frown upon the proceedings while secretly smiling at the sons' demise. Chewbacca will shave his pubic hair. Jennifer Garner will eye the Wookie's crotch hungrily. I will eye Jennifer Garner's ass hungrily.

Stay with this story.

Heh... as if the media will let you do anything else.

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