Tuesday, April 23, 2019

gateway into horror

I normally enjoy watching Almazan Kitchen because it's self-conscious food porn in an idyllic, wooded setting. Very relaxing, and I do pick up some cooking techniques here and there. I believe the chef is a Serbian guy named Boki, and he's pretty good at what he does. However, he's not perfect, and I've discussed Boki's fondue failure here. That said, there's a galaxy's difference between not perfect and horrifying. As I was watching the following video a few months ago, I could sense that something was very wrong, and if you're any sort of cook, you'll sense it, too. While it'll be tempting for you to fast-forward to 11:51, when the true horror is revealed, I'd recommend that you sit through the buildup and feel the mounting tension as you watch, powerless to avert the coming disaster. This was a major, major fail on Boki's part, and I'd say that over 90% of his comments section is shrieking about the same thing. I'm actually surprised that Boki thought the video was worth uploading. Maybe the cameraman he employs is contractually obligated to edit and upload all videos. Personally, I think this should never have seen the light of day. I've watched chefs who allow us to see their cooking fails before, but the problem here is that Boki plays it all straight, as if no fail had occurred. That just makes the whole thing even grosser.

Anyway, watch and cringe.

A couple vids later, Boki had a similar fail, but there's no need to show you that one since it's the same type of failure. Just wow.


Charles said...

I kind of hate Almazan Kitchen--too pretentious and trying too hard to be artsy for me. The fact that the dog is right there next to him as he is cooking also always gives me the willies (although I have to say that the dog is incredibly well behaved), and Boki's hygiene and kitchen discipline often leave much to be desired.

Nonetheless, I watched this one (and will now have to spend some time purging this channel from my recommendations). The first thing that got me was the salad on the same cutting board as the raw chicken, which indeed made me cringe. But then, as he was cooking the burger, I was thinking, "A burger that thick on that high heat? There's no way that's cooked." Sure enough, to quote Gordon Ramsay: "THIS IS FOOKIN' RAW!" Apparently Boki doesn't know that you're not supposed to eat raw chicken?

Kevin Kim said...

"But then, as he was cooking the burger, I was thinking, 'A burger that thick on that high heat? There's no way that's cooked.'"

Exactly what I was thinking. By the end, I was like, "There's no way in hell that's done." The dog being there—not to mention the flying salmonella from the chicken-smashing—was also very problematic.

I once wrote about how half of US chickens have superbugs in them. Scary.

Charles said...

Scary indeed. Factory-farmed food is all kind of terrifying, to be honest.

Oh, by the way, I watched the video on 1.5 speed to save a little time, and it somehow seemed completely natural. I can't imagine watching it on regular speed.

Kevin Kim said...

At first, I thought you meant that the horrific revelation at 11:51 felt perfectly natural—not horrifying at all—when viewed at 1.5 speed. Took me a second to understand what you really meant. Yeah, part of the food-porn aesthetic is drawing each moment out as languorously and as sensually as possible.

Charles said...

Yep. This is why I can't watch this channel.