Thursday, May 26, 2005

postal scrotum: more on panties!

Good Christ, you'd think that more people would react to my posts on interreligious issues, but no-- it's all about the goddamn panties. I'm beginning to wonder if my readers are, collectively, more fixated on this than I am!

Anyway, Max writes:

Kevin, don't take this badly, but really you are a little naive. People learn from a very young age what kind of clothes are considered proper or improper, according to the context. Any girl who is flashing her undies at you is fully cognizant of what she is doing. Women who dress ostentatiously are doing it on purpose. Women who expose themselves should not get angry at gawking men. We men are biologically hardwired to ogle. Though some may say the burka is morally indefensible, you can see the logic behind it.

It is my belief that women, who are on average physically weaker than men, relish their sexual power over men. The girl in your class, while maybe not wanting to sleep with you, is enjoying yanking your chain (or other phallic symbol of your choosing).

My goal is not to get mad, but to get even. I hope to get up to 200 lbs. of pure muscle and live in a place like Hawaii where I can wear a tight T-shirt 365 days a year. No joke.

Peace, Max

P.S. Another way you can get revenge is to pay more attention to the homelier girls in your classes, while giving less attention to the prettier ones (who you may unconsciously be favoring). This is a good thing to do anyway because the less attractive girls invariably get less attention in life. Princesses need to learn they ain't the center of the universe.

Dammit, I can't stand the "naive" thing. It seems to come from my married friends, who sometimes act like they've cornered the market on worldly wisdom. Just you wait-- your wife'll run away with another woman, too, and then where will you be, eh? EH??

Did I not write earlier, "I've been wondering whether she's unaware of her aura, but then again, girls who dress sexily often know what they're doing"? [emphasis added]

So it's not as though I'm unaware of these pleasant facts of life. However, not all girls do what they do consciously-- or even unconsciously. Sometimes they're just following the clique. So I'd dispute the idea that Sharon Stoning always happens on purpose, though in this case I'm inclined to believe that Miss Panties probably does know what she's doing.

As for paying attention to the homelier girls... I do that as a matter of policy, not because I feel they need a handout, but because it's true that prettier girls get an unfair amount of male (and often female) attention.

That's an interesting discussion in and of itself: what kind of women turn the Kevin on? Sometimes it's hard to say. I've been attracted to women whom other Koreans have labeled "ugly," and I'm not into quite the same types of women as my friends back home. My favorite female body part remains the calves, but I'm also a tits-and-ass man like any other guy. I also don't mind if a woman's a bit too fat or too thin as long as she's got a pretty face, and what constitutes "pretty" for me is a fairly wide range, I think. Women in general are works of art, even when they're being total fucking bitches. Men, on the other hand, are fleshy, loaded guns... with only one mission. We're Carlin's One-eyed Wonder Worms, barreling madly through the art museum, firing at everything in our path. (Mentally, if not physically. Ahem.)

Oh, I can hear the outcry from my philosophically inclined readership now: "Man is so much more!" I think the most profound wisdom about humanity comes from Brad Pitt's Tyler Durden in "Fight Club":

You are the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world!

[NB: The above quote has been corrected thanks to a timely public outcry. I originally (mis-)wrote "We are the dancing crap of the universe."]


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