Friday, November 23, 2007

hungry little devils

Pics coming-- I promise. But first, today's post-Thanksgiving headline:


SEOUL (Yonhap) -- A pumpkin pie weighing approximately one kilogram was brutally slaughtered during English class at Smoo earlier today. The murderers appear to be three women and one half-Korean man. Witnesses who saw the women leave the scene of the crime describe them as in their early twenties, extremely thin and dark-haired, with brown eyes. Police are hopeful that this information will be sufficient to track the three women down.

Initial forensic analysis indicates that the fourth party to the murder, the half-Korean man, exploded sometime during the English lesson he was teaching, perhaps as a result of "pie overload," a condition afflicting one of every five Americans on the Friday after Thanksgiving. One woman in a next-door office reported hearing the man shout something that sounded like "Eet eez only waffer theen!"

Analysis also indicates that the pie was dismembered by a professional. Grooves in the pie tin hint at knife cuts that were made at intervals of roughly 45 to 60 degrees.

The most astonishing piece of information, however, comes from on-site analysis revealing that the large male was not the primary consumer of the pumpkin pie's corpse: the three women, all of whom are estimated to weigh under 50kg, are believed to have eaten the bulk of the pie. Analysts reached this conclusion after reviewing the contents of the large man's stomach and noting that there was barely enough pumpkin pie to constitute even a quarter of a slice.


No comments: