Wednesday, March 11, 2020

becoming one of the pod people

I have no real desire to wear a mask, nor do I think masks are effective at protecting me from witchy Aunt Covid. But so as not to further scare the frightened citizens of this country, I have bowed to the pressure to fit in. Here is the ridiculous result, thanks to my local bike shop:

A couple notes:

1. The mask is made of a thin, stretchable material. It's shaped like a loop, so you have to stretch the thing out and pull it over your head. The blue "filter" that you see (which I should've adjusted to seat it more evenly on my face) is one of two: turn the mask 180 degrees, and there's a looser mesh that allows your facial features to be visible. I thought that would be a horrible idea because a loose mesh doesn't inspire trust, so I keep the mask rotated the way you see in the picture.

2. The mask's material is so thin that it looks hilarious when I put it on by itself: my facial features—nose, lips, and chin—poke through the surface and do nothing to hide my expressions. Solution? Fold up a thick paper towel and tuck it inside the mask, thereby obscuring facial features and making me look more... trustworthy.

3. Except I apparently don't look more trustworthy. People seem to stare at me more often when I'm wearing the mask than when I'm walking around without it. At a guess, this is because everyone instantly knows this isn't an N95 mask or one of the "medical" masks that the pharmacies had been selling before they ran out. With that instantaneous realization comes a quick jolt of paranoia, resulting in The Stare. Why do I even bother?

ADDENDUM: here's a short series of pics illustrating the problems talked about above.

First: when I remove the paper towel, I can't hide my facial expression:

Second: when I reverse the mask to show off the thin mesh, this is the result:

That mesh makes my teeth look nice and fang-y.

Third: duhderrrrr...

Why draw cartoons when you can be a cartoon?


Charles said...

I'm pretty sure everyone is starting at you because they think you are Sub-Zero from Mortal Kombat.

Kevin Kim said...

"Jesus, Sub-Zero... you really let yourself go, man!"

John Mac said...