Wednesday, March 18, 2020

Dictionary.com's "Middle-school Punctuation Quiz"

Dictionary.com occasionally publishes quizzes related to vocabulary, grammar, and mechanics. Below is a copy of a quiz that's currently on the board: a supposedly middle-school-level punctuation quiz. Take the quiz and check your answers by highlighting the text between the brackets below.

QUESTION 1 OF 10
Which of the options below is the best punctuation for the following sentence?
"Although she didn’t get the new phone she wanted for her birthday __ she did get a pair of new headphones."

semicolon (;)
period (.)
comma (,)

QUESTION 2 OF 10
Is the following sentence correctly punctuated? "It is Marks’ turn to pick the movie."

Yes
No

QUESTION 3 OF 10
Which of the options below is the best punctuation for the following sentence? “Oh, no __” he shouted. “You spilled ketchup all over my new shoes __”

question mark (?), exclamation point (!)
exclamation point (!), exclamation point (!)
question mark (?), period (.)

QUESTION 4 OF 10
Which of the options below is the best punctuation for the following sentence? "She ate three of her favorite things for lunch __ bubble tea, mac and cheese, and carrots with hummus."

colon (:)
semicolon (;)
comma (,)

QUESTION 5 OF 10
Which of the options below is the best punctuation for the following sentence? "Did you get the video I texted you last night __ or did I forget to send it __"

question mark (?), question mark (?)
question mark (?), period (.)
comma (,), question mark (?)

QUESTION 6 OF 10
Which of the options below is the best punctuation for the following sentence? "My parents are working from home right now __ however, they like to remind me that I can’t just bug them all the time."

colon (:)
semicolon (;)
period (.)

QUESTION 7 OF 10
Is the following sentence correctly punctuated? "His favorite animals are dolphins panda bears, and geckos."

Yes
No

QUESTION 8 OF 10
Is the following sentence correctly punctuated? "The TV show has its ups and downs."

Yes
No

QUESTION 9 OF 10
Is the following sentence correctly punctuated? "Her sister, who goes to college out of state always visits home during her breaks. "

Yes
No

QUESTION 10 OF 10
Which punctuation mark correctly fills in the blanks in the following sentence? Roberto said, __ I thought the book was really interesting! __

No punctuation marks are needed.
apostrophes (’ ’)
double quotation marks (“ ”)


ANSWERS (highlight the space between the brackets to see them)
[1. comma (,)
2. No
3. exclamation point (!), exclamation point (!)
4. colon (:)
5. comma (,), question mark (?)
6. semicolon (;)
7. No
8. Yes
9. No
10. double quotation marks (“ ”)
]

RANKING

10 correct = Congrats. You're (at least) a middle-school student.
9 correct = Congrats. You might be an elementary-school student.
8 correct = Your Asian mom is grounding you for a year.
7 correct = Your Asian mom disowns you.
6 correct = You obviously suck at punctuation.
5 correct = You suck at life. Why haven't you killed yourself already?
4 correct = The entire leper colony lines up to fuck you.
3 correct = Satan puts on his condom covered in shattered obsidian.
2 correct = All the lepers in hell line up, with Satan bringing up the rear.
1 correct = Satan transforms you into a fleshy, self-fucking Möbius strip.
0 correct = You're either a soy-drinking liberal or a trailer-park conservative.



2 comments:

John Mac said...

You'll likely be as surprised as I was: I got 100% correct. I guess when I write I'm just a lazy bastard. For example, taking the test I knew when a semi-colon was appropriate, but I'm sure you've noticed I hardly ever use them.

So, does that make me ignorant or apathetic? I don't know and I don't care! (My jokes are as old as I am.)

Kevin Kim said...

Ah, yes... I notice every missed opportunity to use a comma or a semicolon. It's a curse.