Thursday, May 06, 2021

improve this sentence!

I was reading a BBC article about the divorce of Bill and Melinda Gates when I came across this hilariously awful sentence about their charitable foundation:

The organisation has spent billions fighting causes such as infectious diseases and encouraging vaccinations in children.

While I love the idea that the Gates's foundation is actively fighting the vaccination of children, I can understand the writer's true intentions.

So!  How to improve this sentence?  Take a crack at it in the comments, and while you're there, ponder the desperate need for proofreaders in more places than just South Korea.

ADDENDUM:  Jeff Hodges has found an arguably funnier gaffe.



2 comments:

John Mac said...

I would change "fighting" to "supporting" and put the word fighting in front of "infectious diseases."

Kevin Kim said...

My own take would be:

The organisation has spent billions fighting infectious diseases and encouraging vaccinations in children.

The "such as" is a huge problem because of the ambiguity it introduces.