Monday, June 28, 2004

the sacred principles of FUCK

FUCK stands for Folks Undermining Censorship in Korea. It is a league. The League of FUCK, the FUCK League, what have you. Despite the name, we have nothing to do with Vietnam (unless one of our members happens to have the surname Phuoc).

Here are the sacred principles of FUCK:

1. FUCK has no leadership. FUCK is a many-pronged hydra-penis: if you cut off one dickhead, many more will sprout in its place. This is how FUCK always responds to pressure: the FUCKs simply become harder and more numerous. FUCK is a mystery. It is the force fnord behind the Discordians. You cannot find FUCK; FUCK finds you.

2. The above image does not imply that FUCK is a phallocracy: FUCK is as Amazonian as it is phallocratic.

3. The First Rule of FUCK is, You DO NOT talk about FUCK.

4. Given that the First Rule appears at #3, the Second Rule of FUCK is, You DO NOT talk about someone's inability to count. FUCK accepts all people, no matter their counting ability.

5. Membership in FUCK requires no pay, but it does require one deed: the dissemination of this letter to as many bloggers as you can reach, cc'ing to two destinations: (a) the South Korean Ministry of Information and Communication (, and (b) Satan's Anus. You must then report this deed to the Big Hominid, who is neither the leader nor the founder of FUCK.

UPDATE: Satan's Anus has bestowed the Sacred Instalanche! There's no more need to write to it! Instead, send your ire to another wing of the Korean government, the Information and Communication Ethics Committee (ICEC:, and think about petitioning the Constitutional Court (

6. It is quite possible to become a member of FUCK without knowing it. Catholic theologian Karl Rahner spoke of virtuous non-Christians as "anonymous Christians"; there are plenty of anonymous FUCKs out there.

7. FUCKs (i.e., members of FUCK) might have delicate sensibilities, to the point that they shy away from words like FUCK. What a true FUCK lacks, however, is the will to impose his or her squeamishness on other people simply because s/he feels that it's "for the public good."

8. FUCKs prefer to dwell on their pubic goods.

9. FUCK exists only so long as the MIC and Netizens persist in their campaign of willful ignorance and censorship.

10. The French word for "seal" (the animal) is "la phoque." Seals may not become members of FUCK unless they can reliably document a systematic campaign of censorship against members of their species. We regret the addition of this, the Tenth FUCKing Rule, but we've had trouble from other species. We reiterate that FUCK is not a sexist organization, but it is by necessity speciesist.

Go now and be sincere, loud, ardent FUCKs. Feel free to use the following logo (as advertised previously):

I think you'll become a member soon.

Fuckin' A, indeed. Fuckin' A... indeed.

UPDATE: Hats off to Simon, a true FUCK if ever there was one. Grazie.

UPDATE 2: Courtesy the KimcheeGI, I find out that Dr. Miyake has become a FUCK. Thank you, thank you, thank you, sir. Love the blog, by the way. It gives me hope that, one day, I might actually learn a good bit of Korean and Chinese. Thanks as well to Far Outliers. The meme spreads. Fuck with FUCK at your peril.


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