SEX WITH NO “R”

[More lewd material from my Mac's hard drive (which I'd named, years ago, "A Very Hard Drive." You have to understand that I love parodying erotica. If you have Scary Spasms in Hairy Chasms, then you already know this--cf. the short-short story called "Interlewd." Well... the following didn't make it into Scary Spasms, but I kind of like it, anyway. Enjoy.]

_____________


Tim’s kiss was deep, tongue-heavy, and passionate. Avid hands yanked at clothing. Belt buckles flew off as if magically impelled. Jenna slyly unbuttoned the pastel shit she had on, exposing two amazingly huge, sweaty beasts that heaved as she gasped in elation. Finally, the moment had come! The shit fell away, unnoticed.

Tim eyed the beasts’ swollen pink nipples slyly.

“I think of you as my best fiend,” Jenna said, pulling him close. He placed his itching hands on the beasts, investigating peaks and valleys like a loving musician stoking the length of his flute.

“You make me so hot,” Jenna shouted, nubile body aglow with lustful intensity. The sex that followed was spastic, agonal, explosive— a heedless descent into the canal. Almost-climax followed almost-climax in quick succession. Moving as one, the giddy young couple assumed all the positions they could think of, plus a few no one had yet attempted. They came to the beaking point.

“Jam that massive pick in me!” Jenna gleefully commanded, and Tim did his level best to comply. Sweat oozed out of his scalp; his vision was going gay. They howled in unison; Jenna’s beasts jiggled wildly as the ecstasy mounted one last time. Tim’s pick cackled like static on wool, bending and staining due to the immense tension.

And then it happened: Jenna twisted and bucked, went ballistic as she ululated, “I’m coming, Tim! Oh, holy cap, I’m COMING!” Tim held on tightly as Jenna’s body mimed the most exciting events of the millennium. Some gas slipped out of Tim’s buttocks; he winced, ashamed he had no way of coking his asshole shut. This was no time to fat.

But soon enough, Tim’s own moment of volcanic delight came; he pulled out of Jenna just in time and placed his pulsating manhood between those massive, fantastic beasts, spaying his lady’s face with bust upon bust of his steaming spunk. His ass cheeks, pushed to the limit, were camping in agony.

They lay in bed, spent and completely unable to move, little blobs of semen dying in patches on the bedsheets. Tim opened up a can of Pingles and asked Jenna if she wanted any. “Not at the moment,” she cooed. Then she looked at Tim, full in the face. “Oh, God. You didn’t use a condom, did you?” she asked. It was a statement, not a question.

“No,” Tim sighed, “I didn’t wap my cock. What can I do about it now?”

_