Tuesday, February 10, 2004

the trouble with Quidditch

Far, far too many Quidditch accidents go unreported, so I feel it's incumbent on me to reveal some of the more gruesome in-flight tragedies for your edification. The truth is that, while Quidditch may very well be the most popular sport in the wizarding world, it is played at very high speed, even among schoolchildren.

The following images are somewhat graphic in nature, as they capture the exact moment of a given Quidditch accident. You are advised to proceed with caution, but please keep in mind that these images are displayed for your benefit as a public service.

double-penetration isn't just for porn actors
This is Colin Creevey. Circumstances of his death aren't entirely clear; some believe that one of the two brooms in question was being flown by Harry Potter, who was hiding in an Invisibility Cloak at the time.

this was probably an accident
This incident should never have occurred, but the Quidditch player in question had made a rude gesture at the bird right before his beheading.

we're very impressed by the length of his tongue
This is a good example of what can happen when an unwary player is hit by two Bludgers at the same time. This kind of injury is, fortunately, extremely rare. Madam Pomfrey was able to recover enough fresh brain matter to piece together something approaching australopithecine-level consciousness, but the boy does little more than eat, scream, and masturbate violently.

this was simply... unfortunate
This kind of impalement is also extremely rare. The falling girl is Katie Bell, who had been knocked off her broom by a Bludger. She was rescued before hitting the ground by Professor Snape, who was on his guard. The impaled boy miraculously survived the experience, and wishes to remain unnamed.


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