Saturday, August 06, 2005

Oh, my GOD!!

I ruthlessly stole this pic from Jelly's wonderful blog:

Gluttony, as we all know, is a mortal sin. But the Good Lord, that most impatient of deities, rarely waits until we die when He wants to punish us. What you see in the above picture is the aftermath of the feline version of cow tipping. As should be obvious to all, the cat can't right itself, nor is it even trying to do so. Such passivity is normally reserved for the extremely drunk or the extremely retarded, but this cat has an intelligent gleam in its eye, almost as if it had been wishing for someone to come along and tip it over.

I wonder, though, how the cat handles the arduous three-meter journey to its food bowl, a trek that leads it over treacherously level flooring, past looming dust bunnies and through thick, annoying air.

Or maybe the cat never goes anywhere. Maybe someone just shoves a food tube down its throat and pumps twenty pounds of ground turkey into its gut.

I love this cat. If it were mine, I'd name it Cannonball. And I'd definitely use it as a weapon if someone tried to sneak into my home. You could fire this cat into a crowd and kill every single person.

UPDATE: Jelly writes--

Ahhh shit!

I bet you didn't even REALIZE your last shred of "NICE" was buried deep in that tooth they removed! Now you're fucked, you meanie! It's not Cannonball's,...ehrm,..I mean Kamikaze's FAULT he's so bulbous! He's a SUMO cat, goddammit! And now he challenges you to a match, you wuss. You mock his speed and agility and you shall pay dearly for it in the Dohyo. You might as well cancel that next appointment at the dentist, since Kamikaze's going to knock ALL your teeth out. He says he's going to BASH you in the Basho.

The only redeeming thing about your latest post is that you call my blog wonderful. I mentioned that to Kamikaze, but he said he doesn't give a rat-shit. He says "put on your Big-Man-Diaper, Kevin, and prepare thyself for the knock-down."

I'm not going to feel sorry for you either. You're MEAN!!!!

~your former fan, Jelly


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