Tuesday, July 02, 2013

ass crack

Please feel free to write in with your congratulations: today, I went into the center's restroom, eased myself onto the toilet, and heard two gunfire snaps in rapid succession. At the same time, the plastic toilet seat suddenly dropped a half-inch or so, and I realized that I had just broken the damn thing. Disasters like this occur to me in Korea with distressing frequency, but having this happen in the States is a real first.

When I stood up and turned around to assess the damage, I saw that the toilet actually looked perfectly fine: the cracks were very straight, almost invisible, and they ran right along the hinge that allows the seat to be flipped up. I nudged the seat and saw it part from the hinge: it had snapped clean off. The illusion of no damage was dispelled.

It was my sad and humiliating duty to report this debacle to my supervisor, who smiled graciously and told me not to worry about it: "We'll get the repairman in tomorrow." I told her to tell the repairman to put on a stronger seat.

So now I'm afraid to use our restroom. Hooray!



John said...

sorry, but I laughed.

Bratfink said...


Charles said...

Behold, the power of ass!

Anonymous said...

You have been punishing the toilet for many years. The one at Lotte Hotel is still in pain from the Sunday "meetings" you used to have.

Like John, I also laughed. Could not heelp it.

RIP Mr. Cammode :(

Kevin Kim said...

Well, Tom, at least the Lotte Hotel toilet was built to last.

Horace Jeffery Hodges said...

Big H, you're the "I" in "TO LET"! They'll make you rent the next toilet you use!

Jeffery Hodges

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Elisson said...

Cheap, weak toilet seats... they don't make 'em like they used to.