Monday, February 24, 2020

ready to witness some self-torture?

I've been watching a ton of these Beard Meats Food videos, which feature a British competitive eater named Adam. Adam's claim to fame isn't that he's a top eater; he ranks only about #17 worldwide, apparently, and he's constantly bested by the likes of Joey Chestnut and Matt Stonie (I've watched a few of Stonie's videos as well; the dude is insane). What makes Adam famous is his beard, which tends to fill up, rather disgustingly, with schmutz during any given eating binge. Adam's kryptonite is spicy food, and in the video below, he takes on Flamethrower Candy Company's The Toe of Satan, a 9-million-Scoville lollipop (4 million Scovilles hotter than police pepper spray). For an endurance test, you're simply supposed to hold the lollipop inside your mouth for as long as you can.

The scale of achievement is, as Adam reads out:

under 1 minute = coward
1 minute = wimp
2 minutes = show-off
3 minutes = loss of feeling
4 minutes = really?
5 minutes = "This is 911. What is your emergency?"

I watched the video at 1.75X speed. Even at that speed, Adam's pain and suffering are like a shout of agony leaping straight out of the screen.

I, of course, have eaten a half-spoonful of pure concentrated capsaicin. Curious as to its Scoville rating, I looked up "pure capsaicin scoville" on Google, and the answer came back:

16,000,000 Scovilles.

I guess that's why I felt as if I were about to die.

I'm no competitive eater, but I may have actually beaten Adam on this one.

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