Commas, Part 1
Commas, Part 2
Commas, Part 3
Commas, Part 4
Commas, Part 5
Commas, Part 6
Commas, Part 7
Commas, Part 8
Commas, Part 9
Commas, Part 10
This twelve-part series on commas has taken years to write (I started in September 2019), but here we are, at the penultimate chapter. In this next-to-last lesson, we'll discuss a cardinal rule of commas: never put a single comma between a subject and a predicate.
I mean, really—this shouldn't be rocket science, right?
RIGHT: Aunt Harriet took a massive dump on the carpet.
This also applies to sentences with more complexity:
RIGHT: The woman I hated most had come to give me a spiteful blowjob.
In the above example, the adjective clause I hated most is an appositive that is necessary information (review the lesson on appositives, just before this one), so it doesn't take any commas. However, it is possible to insert commas between a subject and a predicate if you insert a pair of commas to create a parenthetical expression:
Jock McBallhouse, known for his hugely clanging testicles, stood before me in all his Scottish fury.
So as I said, the cardinal rule is that you can't insert a single comma between a subject and its predicate, but as you see above, you can insert a pair of commas when writing a parenthetical expression. A reminder: the subject is the doer of the action. The predicate explains the action. A simple subject and simple predicate boil down to a single word or phrase:
SIMPLE PREDICATE: stood
The phrase known for his hugely clanging testicles is also an appositive, but removing it doesn't change the essence of the sentence. So because this is an appositive that doesn't contain necessary information, you have to surround it with commas.
With expressions that use modal/helping verbs plus a main verb, don't interrupt those with a comma, either. Some examples:
WRONG: I heard that you have, researched the question of gluteal perspiration. Can he, speak octopus? Are you, planning to eye-fuck my cleavage all night? They would never have, come to the art museum had they known it would be displaying Picasso's infamous Period Period, when all he painted was periods.
RIGHT: I heard that you have researched the question of gluteal perspiration. Can he speak octopus? Are you planning to eye-fuck my cleavage all night? They would never have come to the art museum had they known it would be displaying Picasso's infamous Period Period, when all he painted was periods.
So—ready for a quiz? This ought to be the easiest quiz yet.
Which of the following sentences is grammatically incorrect? Select the incorrect sentences and rewrite them in the comments section.
1. The giraffe's head, which was succulent, stared balefully up at me from the plate.
2. The heaviest bear in the world, has great-looking tits.
3. Does God, have an anus?
4. The way you look at me, is why my nipples are always hard.
5. Your increasingly elaborate attempts to seduce her will only, end in rectal agony.
6. The glowing buttocks I saw last night troubled me.
7. Crossing a chihuahua with a Rottweiler, was a stroke of genius.
8. Why do my children, so enjoy catching and devouring squirrels raw?
[ANSWERS: Only 1 and 6 are correct. In every other case, remove the comma.]
Yeah, I nailed this one. It was an interesting read regardless. My common comma errors are NOT using them rather than using them when I shouldn't. At least, I hope so.
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