Friday, June 23, 2006

what not to look at after a hike

I added yet another set of stairs to my Namsan walk tonight, and it about did me in. I think we've hit the upper limit, at least for a while. To reach this supplementary set of stairs, my new path actually takes me past my buddy Jang-woong's neighborhood, which means I encounter a steep hill even before I reach the steps. Then it's up the steps, which lead right to where the Yongsan and Namsan Public Libraries are. I cross the street, bypass the main entrance, and continue on to the Koreanische Philosophenweg. That first set of steps, which aren't that long but are somewhat steep, are a tough warmup for the Philosophenweg, followed by a brief cooldown as I take the bus route back down toward the Namsan library, then up that final set of stairs.

The only thing I had all day was a salad, which is great cause for self-pity in my world. And now... it's 2:30am, I'm hungry as hell, and I find myself once again staring at this-- the most beautiful hamburger I've ever seen. Damn you, ABC News, damn you and the ghost of Peter Jennings for bringing this to my attention. The article notes that the restaurant serving the burger, which costs $100, is on the property of a country club whose membership fee is $40,000 plus $3600 a year.

Having read Mad magazine a long time ago, however, I do know how to get expensive food for free. Mad lays it out clearly:

1. Allow yourself to go unshaven for several days. Be sure to urinate and defecate in your clothing. Snot should flow freely, too.

2. Find an expensive restaurant with a large vitrine (i.e., large glass window). Diners should be visible there.

3. Spot a couple eating by the window.

4. Stand next to them, hands on the glass, staring inward (at them, at the food) with an unreadable expression.

5. When the couple gets creeped out or disgusted, they'll ask for the check and make haste to leave.

6. Before the plates are cleaned up, rush in and eat the paid-for leftovers.

It's all so simple.

But I still want that burger.

That burger.


_

1 comment:

Sperwer said...

I was once sitting in a restaurant in NYC, gazing out the vitrine at the passersby on west 44th or thereabouts - the Time Sqaure area -- back in PR (pre-Rudy) days, when much to my surprise a local crack whore dropped to her knees and proceeded to service her client right in front of me. I finished my meal.